Wayfaring Writer

Driven by a violent desire to write.

5 Harsh Realities of Life With a Beard

5 Harsh Realities of Life With a Beard

I’ve been growing out my beard for the past three months now. My team and I have committed to not cutting our hair or shaving our beards for the duration of our trip. As we’ve been growing our bearded glory more and more I’ve realized that the bearded life is a long and difficult road. There are many trials and tribulations that one goes through living life as a bearded man. So, for your entertainment, here are 5 harsh realities of life with a beard.

Your Beard Gives You Bed Face

No time to comb? Good enough.

Most people encounter the problem of bed head. You wake up ready to face the day and look into the mirror to the horror that is your hair. disheveled, unkempt, and knotted. When you have a massive beard on your face that horror is doubled.

Seriously, most mornings I wake up and my face looks like someone threw a batch of steel wool into a dirty blender and glued it to my chin. Fixing the problem isn’t easy either because…

Your Beard Will Destroy Your Comb

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Part of the problem with having a mass of knotted hair on your face is how surprisingly strong it is. Look at that comb. I broke a wooden comb in half just trying to straighten out the snarl of hair around my jaw. That’s equal parts awesome and terrifying.

Your Beard Will Terrify Children (Unless They’re Curious)

5 Harsh Realities of Life With a Beard

We’ve encountered many babies in our travels. Since we’re in Asia and beards are in short supply most children either stare at us like we’re in a zoo or cry. Any child that doesn’t flee in terror usually likes to yank on our facial hair like they’re trying to start a lawn mower. It’s painful, unpleasant, and we usually have to resist the urge to practice shot put with their tiny bodies. But I’d rather go through a painful hair pulling than…

Your Beard Will Be Lit On Fire

5 Harsh Realities of Life With a Beard

I really don’t understand it. I know there aren’t many beards in China but many of the adults we’ve encountered first laugh as our facial hair and then proceed to pull out their lighters and try to incinerate our faces. It’s like their the terrified villagers with torches and pitchforks and our chins are the Frankenstein monster.

Your Beard Absorbs Everything You Eat

5 Harsh Realities of Life With a Beard

Eating with a beard is a difficult proposition with almost any kind of food. If your eating burgers the condiments coat your beard and get all crusty. Bread and cookies crumbs get deep in there and create a craggy sensation that isn’t altogether pleasant. Here in China we eat noodles almost everyday, so we get wet noodles and soup permeating our facial hair.

I’m almost positive if I didn’t bathe for a week I would be able to taste a little bit of every meal I’ve had. It’s like the world’s worst Everlasting Gobstopper.

Conclusion

Life with a beard is hard. But there is little support for the bearded men of the world

5 Harsh Realities of Life With a Beard

Today, I ask that you go to those you know who are bearded and give them support. Maybe it’s a family member, a close friend, or a co-worker. I challenge you to go up to them, look them in the eye, and hug them. There need not be any words, they will know what it means.

If you have a beard share your struggles in the comments below. If you know a bearded one who chooses to remain silent about their struggle leave a comment supporting them below. Let the bearded community come together in support and solidarity.

5 Harsh Realities of Life With a Beard

About Luke Geldmacher

I grew living on an island in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. Currently, I live in a 40 acre farm in Cookville, TX. I sometime write about life issues, but my passion is sci-fi and fantasy storytelling.

14 Replies

  1. Sandra

    I absolutely love this one! 😀

    I 100% support and stand with all my bearded brothers. I love you for bringing such beauty into this world through facial hair! The struggle might be real, but nothing that is worthy comes easy, be encouraged!

    1. Thank you for supporting your bearded brothers Sandra! The KJ Men will be sure to give you a nice fuzzy hug when we get home 😉

  2. wow. Hearing about how your beard retains all of your meals honestly triggered a gas reflex. That’s a hard life.

    1. The struggle is real. Time that could be spent being awesome is instead spent washing and combing.

  3. Phil Rouchard

    Great job Luke you are rocking it! God gave lions beards for a reason!

    1. Thanks Phil! We need to let our manes be long and free.

  4. Jeremy Karpinski

    I’very been growing mine for a year now, and these are some struggles, but so worth it! As far as the food is concerned though, I have learned to eat so much more carefully since growing it. It just takes patience, beard on!

  5. Jeremy Karpinski

    Also, some forms of beard oil is a friend!

    1. Absolutely true. I make my own beard oil with peppermint, sweet almond, and eucalyptus oils.

      Beard on brother.

  6. Logan

    I have been growing my beard out for about 14 months and none of my friends understand the struggle of keeping and maintaining a beard because they all have jobs that require them to be clean shaven. Although It is both tiresome and a bit costly. The bottom line though is that through all the struggles and tribulations I have carried it through it has never failed me. I love my beard and I believe that we must stand together and fight our common enemy… Bedbeard. I have a possible solution: use a tad bit more beard oil and it should be easier to comb out. Well it is for me at least. Anyway I wish to thank you for all of the beard support and for the sharing of all our most common beard problems.
    #DontShaveItMaintainIt

    1. True struggle is real Logan. Thanks for reading and beard on brother.

  7. MrBill

    No shave since 1969. Got it.
    Me: I haven’t had a haircut in this century.
    Blond: You’re a hundred years old?
    Me: Yup.

  8. Linda Whiting

    Great job, Luke. Made me laugh. Once again, your pictures make your story come alive.

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